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If somebody is going to get turned off about something because of what they read or heard, then that person’s not smart enough to even enter a church. If you’re really against something, then know what you’re against.

Leah Remini, in regards to criticism of Scientology.

Says the woman that promoted a ‘museum’ called “Psychiatry: An Industry of Death.” Look, people, you can’t cherry-pick criticism. Either everything is allowed to be criticized, or nothing is. That goes for your goofy, cunty little cult, too. The irony of the statement she made is so thick, I’m choking.

Mysterious Ways

What’s with the “mysterious ways” rap that you hear from the religious all the time? It’s something I’ve never understood.

Okay, get this. You have a god, right? This god made you in his image, created the heavens and the Earth, gave you purpose, life, and the promise of eternal happiness. Congratulations, you’re a science project! You’re a microbe in god’s petri dish that he’s lovingly observing for all time.

Oh, wait. No, not at all. 

This god that supposedly loves you decides to punish you because another science project he created before you told you how things really are, and now you’re on the fast-track to true understanding. Shit, son. What’s up? Is this other science project legit, or should I trust my deity? Hmm. Either way, you’re booted out of paradise, and on your own, sucka.

But wait, god is still up there, paying attention. Within your little microbial home, you reproduce, eat, reproduce, eat, reproduce, and eventually kill, reproduce, kill, eat, reproduce, and kill more than the big daddy cares to see. So, he drowns the lot of you because he can. Fuck, what a dick move, right? He doesn’t seem fit to worship, I don’t think.

Aw, fuck it, let bygones be bygones. So, the remaining microbes restart the whole “mate, feed, kill, repeat” spiel and he lets that shit happen for thousands of years. Now, he deliberately places an avatar of himself in a microbe body in your petri dish to set all you little fuckers straight. How do you know that this god-microbe is actually who he says he is? Well, because he says he is. That god that was up there for so long has gone strangely quiet over the last few thousand years. You were starting to wonder if he was ever there in the first place, but this new dude that can walk on water and shit really made you reconsider your skepticism.

Well, fuck. Now you killed him. What’s going to happen now? Well, you’re waiting and waiting, but the more time goes on, the more it seems like you’re not actually in a petri dish. Naw, now it’s more like the people who said that this was all a science project in the first place were totally out of their gourd. I mean, some wanker from back in the day supposedly lived like, 500 years or some such? Come on, we’re barely living past fifty at this point. How does that make sense.

Holy fuck, now we’re living past eighty, ninety, even 100 years old! Still nothing from that god character, though. And now you’ve got all this newfangled stuff that has been developed over time from collective knowledge. You call it science, and it explains a lot of the things that used to be confusing about this whole “creation” thing. Turns out, we’re not a science project, but we’re living science, itself! Neato!

But wait. There’s a bunch of other nutters that are still running around thinking that this is a big ol’ petri dish and that there’s a god up there running the show. Except this god never comes around anymore, not even on Christmas. And these lunatics are fighting over everything god supposedly does or doesn’t want them to do, and looking at signs in pieces of toast and trusting withered old war criminals to tell them what to do. What’s happening here?

Fuck, now they’re trying to kill other people for saying they’re wrong! What the shit?! I guess god is “mysterious” that’s why he doesn’t come around anymore. You dig this crazy shit?

Okay, you seem what I’m getting at? We’re not a petri dish. We’re not a science project. We are science. If your god works in “mysterious ways,” maybe you should seriously reconsider why you’re worshiping something you cannot smell, taste, touch, or see.

I Would Love to Comment on the Ongoing Islamic Outrage…

But I don’t want my house to get burned down.

Say what you want, extremist or not, these fuckers need to get the fuck over themselves.

I mean, if you believe so strongly that the disparagement of your grand doo-dah is a hell-worthy trespass, why don’t you let your all-powerful deity sort them out in the afterlife?

Oh. Wait. Your god doesn’t actually do any kind of actual work in the world, and instead, works in “mysterious ways,” leaving all that dirty business up to you.

Sounds to me like somebody lacks the courage of their convictions.

Fuck everything about this ignorant douche.

I can’t wait for the day when people that spout off ignorant, douche-off statements like this, and that whole mess about how women that have been raped somehow can’t get pregnant (I just glazed over in complete mental shutdown for about ten minutes when I heard that), get ridiculed, scorned, and shunned for brandishing such stupidity so willingly.

Like, shit like this takes literally zero brain power to understand, as it is explicitly, and in great detail, spelled out in books, and on the internet, of which there is copious access.

Is he allowed to say this shit? Absolutely. Should we all point and laugh at him? You bet your sweet ass.

Get fucking real, dude.

The Lusty Christian Soldier

Duh, Elder Scrolls reference, ftw.

So, I’ve got an apparently-hardcore Christian follower.

I kind of want to send her a message and be all “look, if you’re going to try to convert me or something, it’s not going to happen.”
Maybe I’m cracked and paranoid from previous experience with the creepily devout, but I’m weirdly suspicious of this person. Like, what end is the follow looking to achieve? Because in my brain, she can’t just be following because she likes my blog. I mean, I post way too many pictures of chicks getting a load of cum in the kisser and recently called Jesus Christ a cum-guzzling queen (which is funny because Jesus never existed in the first place, so he couldn’t actually guzzle cum. Get it?).

I’m confused, slightly aroused, and all sorts of curious. Will she attempt to convert the lusty, atheist biology student?! Does she harbor secret, wanton desires for carnal butthole pleasures?! Will she even read this post?! Where are my fuckin’ pants?! Find out all this and more in the next edition of “Dollar Bingo and the Magnificent Cockring Caper!”

Okay, done. Attempt to sleeps. Goodnight you magnificent bastards. And goodnight to you, sultry Christian soldier. Dream of dirty priests, or Jesus with a buttplug, or whatever it is you virtuous gals dream of.

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