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How Offended Were YOU Today?

I mean, I found at least five things today I could be personally offended by. I only let myself be offended by two of them, because I don’t have the energy that some people seem to have to be offended by everything they see every day.

Maybe with practice, I can work on how offended I can be in a given day, and then graduate that offendedness to lashing out at the unsuspecting, whatever it is they’re doing. 

Today, I was offended by my neighbor’s dog, and the mailman. Tomorrow, I will try to be offended by science and grass.

The Fan Demands It

"Make another record like (x)!"

"Draw another picture like (x)!"

"Go back to what you did before, when you were good, and I liked it!"

"Why are you doing the same thing again? Don’t you want to grow as an artist?"

"Boring, more of the same."

"Why did you change what you were doing, I liked the old stuff!"

*artistic rage intensifies*

Baby Steps Toward Empathy

About once a week, I have some kind of realization about my actions. These aren’t startling revelations, mind you, just your run-of-the-mill “oh that’s why I’m a piece of shit” moments.

These moments are important for the development of healthy empathy in myself, considering my upbringing was (I realize more and more) so very atypical and hardly conducive to the development of healthy relationships.

That sounds like a cop out, but it’s really quite frustrating on this end of things. I feel like everything I do is being scrutinized and judged by anyone whose opinion I value, and judged negatively. I catch myself doing or saying things that I consider normal, but elicit horror or cause pain in others. Sitting back and examining those behaviors and choosing a different path is a struggle.

Killing the ego is an important first step. When you feel threatened by even the slightest snubbing (intentional or not) and the welling of irrational rage comes boiling up to the surface, that’s a problem. How are you supposed to create meaningful relationships out of that? That’s right, you can’t.

So the ego must change and be reshaped into something that isn’t threatened by disagreement, that can handle criticism, that can handle frustrating situations without taking it personally. Only once your ego is checked can you really look at someone’s point of view from their perspective.

I hate that it’s taken me ten years to start figuring these things out.

If I hear one more person complain about how (insert gender-specific organ or bodily function) is “so gross” I will do nothing but seethe and contemplate leaving this planet someday.

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